emo tech support

i probably shouldnt do this.... but....

The real story:
Who am i?

You really want to know who i am? i'm the most honest person you'll ever meet. i can peel away everything about you just by listening to you and watching you for 15 minutes. i dont need your personal history to know that youre an addict or a victim or a fighter. i can do it by just looking in your eyes. and i hate myself for this ability. it has brought me nothing but pain, disappointment, and a life that has me sitting here while all of my friends are out fucking like rabbits or enjoying a stiff drink with mixed company. i dwell and stew in these feelings that make me have nothing but guilt for the fact that there is somebody for everyone, and in three months time... i'll have been single for a year. lonely single, not single where you can make due and get over it. not single where you work out your issues and write your life story or paint that portrait youve always wanted to. single where everything reminds you of every mistake youve ever made with a every girl who gave a second look at you. and thats really the thing, isnt it. no girl really takes two looks at me. they see me for what they think i am and then see the really strapping, confidant, hot guy next to me, and pick him. so what if he'll rape them, cheat on them, destroy them. they'll feel pretty and attractive. the fact is, that for someone who is not obese or acne ridden, or manic depressive, i'm pretty unattractive. and that makes me invisible. and that invisibility kills me. that haunting feeling of not really being there, of living between the grey and not being noticed. it breeds a sick desperation, one that eats away until you just want to lock yourself in a room and watch romantic comedies until you feel like theres hope. that When Harry Met Sally can happen. that, my friends, is hell. look at me whine.

shit.

ignore all of this. rantings of the funk.

posted by AmeroKafka @ 7:07 PM