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Bullet in the Head.

I think that the real problem with this whole situation called the Mid 20's can be summed up in the fact that no one, ever, in their entire life, has any idea what they're doing. Our parents sure didn't and to this day, I've never seen parents that do. When you hit your 20's it becomes very apparent that you'll never be your parents, but damned if you can't believe how your parents aren't even the adults they thought they were when they lectured you on direction, responsibility, and ambition.

So far this year, I've seen a friend's dad fired from his comfortable, perfect, much-earned job only to be doing the same treading water, what now?, dance that we all do during unemployment. I've seen another friend who didn't really know his father that well get a sobering experience of living with him in his neurosis and psychosis and denial. I've seen another friend realize her mother is nothing more than her older sister, absent of any concern or maternal care that parents seem to unload on their kids when they need it and especially when they don't. These are just three people close to me, but they're experiences show me that when you hit your 20's, it can be all downhill emotionally even if it's all uphill direction-wise.

In other news:

Unemployed again. Fired from the temp agency, no less. No hard feelings, just a sore spot for the whole market. Time to put my face to the stone and do my own dirty work.

No more Alicia. At least not in the girlfriend catergory. It's been a long time coming and that's why I'm not too broken up over it. Maybe we'll be friends eventually. If Kelly and I can put aside all of the shit we put each other through, then I'm sure I can find some common ground with Alicia. Eventually.

Here's a tangent: Why do we allow the things we know we can't stand about a person to be masked by our undying, unflailing desire to never be alone? They're a slob, selfish, uninterested, narcisistic, but still, we look to their good points and say, "But I love them despite all that other stuff." It's a hard life to lead when everything falls apart around you and you have nowhere to go. I appreciate my friends for making this a transition that hasn't eaten me alive like so many others have.

Will: You're the fortune cookie giving me hope, false or not.

Kelly: You're always on my side. I don't deserve you.

Kevin: Best. Roommate. Ever.

Karl: The buddy I need in a pinch.

Jane: Still taking me back when I'm a total jackass.

Lisa: Just knowing you're there. That helps me more than you know.

That's what you need when the shit falls apart. Family. I'm sure I'll freak out eventually. Have some crazy manic episode and go shit-nuts about how I've landed in this crap situation surrounded by debt, unemployment and no idea what I'm doing. That could happen, or maybe this is when it'll all change. Will has a great job, so does Brent. They worked and slaved and tried as hard as they could and ended up with everything they needed. Who knows what'll happen to me.

Cheers. Peace. Fuck all.

posted by AmeroKafka @ 12:26 AM