Helpless
There's actually a really good reason for me always working so much and also never having any money (damn, compulsive spending...) and it's really simple: I'm a meddler. Pure and simple, a combination of arrogance and "white knight" syndrome compels me to "save" everyone from whatever might be going to cause them harm. I do it to those I call friends the most, and I'm not sure if it's an endearing trait or something that I should work on not doing.
Will likes to say that people will do whatever they want to do, no matter what you try to do to stop them. I've always felt that that was half true, but a time less quote that I've always stood by is, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke) Whether that need always apply in life, I'm not sure, but I'd hate to play the odds.
Lately, since I've taken on two jobs and tried to stay on task at school, I don't get to go out as much during the week as I'm used to. My friends are off doing their own thing and I'm stuck hearing about it a week later, third hand, wondering if I'd been there... would I have done something to stop them from doing something that might adversely affect themselves? It's not really my place, though. That much is true. So then the thoughts trickle down to my friends and family in other states who seem to have crisis after crisis. If I was there, if I was capable of being there when they needed someone, would I be able to help them?
It's like Jewish neurosis and Catholic guilt colliding all at once.
This was all on my mind today, while I manned the till at work. One of my coworkers asked if I was ok and I realized I had my "thinkin' real hard" face on. I shrugged it off and switched into my "manic clerk of all trades" mode. That's when one of my neighborhood friends showed up to rent a flick. I'm pretty good pals with her, but we haven't known each other all that long. I went out to the floor to say, "Hey" and I noticed she looked really upset. She asked me if I was going to be taking lunch soon, and I flagged down my boss and asked for a quick ten. Outside, she broke down about her shitty day. Dying relatives, incarcerated siblings, unemployment, and scary homeless dudes. I gave her a hug and let her cry for a few minutes. She asked if I needed to go back to work because it'd probably been more than ten minutes. I nodded and asked if she needed anything else. She smiled a little and basically said that my being there was enough.
I think in the end, that's all I can do. I can't hop in my car, drive a five hundred miles, and just remove my friend from a bad situation. I can't fly to New York and help my sister with whatever problems she's having. I can't stop my friends from getting pissed ass drunk and doing harm to themselves or others. Will's right: No one can do that.
I think, in a way, being raised on comic books lets me think that being there for every tragedy is possible. Ironically, the current writers of Superman and whatnot all try to hammer home that today's heroes realize that they can't save everyone. They just do their best and they tell themselves that has to be enough.
Same here.
posted by AmeroKafka @ 2:21 AM
4 Comments:
We can't save everything and we can't do everything but we can help a little those who need it and count the world a slighty better place for having done so.
I was watching an episode of Prison Break the other day, and a psychiatrist talked about how the hero in our story suffered from a disorder that made him "far too sensitive to his surroundings." As a result, our Mr. Scoffield feels the pain of everyone around him and will often try desperately to prevent any pain or misfortune from befalling anyone.
My gut reaction to this was disgust. Sensitivity towards the suffering of our brethren is a "disorder" to be medicated and numbed like some kind of headache?
Hold your head up high, my friend. We need more meddlers like you in our sick little world. God knows I'm not the man for the job. I hate homeless people, after all.
Hehe. All one must do to see the broad spectrum of humanity is look at Mikey's friends. You savers attract all kinds.
"'far too sensitive to his surroundings.' As a result, our Mr. Scoffield feels the pain of everyone around him and will often try desperately to prevent any pain or misfortune from befalling anyone."
That right there is the story of my life right now.
It's funny to read your blogs cause you write what I write about and have the EXACT same issues. I want to save my friend and family from themselves. I think that came with my parents. I couldn't save them, although I was 16. But I kinda regret never saying anything to them about it. ...yeah. You and I relate a lot on things, it nice to know that their's someone out there like me.
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