emo tech support

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

So I still talk to almost all of my ex's. Seriously. With the exception, of like... one of them, I'm on speaking terms, cordial speaking terms, with all of them. I've gone to their weddings, had drinks, hung out, shared insights, and even become good friends in the case of one of them (ironically enough, we get along better as friends than when we actually dated. Whoo-rah to no sexual tension!). Lately, someone asked me what the hell was up with my doing that. See, personally, I think it's important to maintain some semblance of a relationship there; to show that it wasn't all for naught (especially if it was a deep or intense relationship). This SEEMS like something that is really only beneficial to me, though, so bear with me:

Last night, while at the video store, I was watching High Fidelity during the close. During the whole reflection over the main characters initial top five break-ups, I found myself identifying with everyone of these characters as if they were avatars of the female for a man to relate to as ex's. Archetypes, if you will. Now, granted, as a viewer, that's what's SUPPOSED to happen. This is a movie for men about relationships so, of course, the story and characters are designed to gain your interest based on your ability to say, "dude, I dated a girl just like that!"

So, based on all of that, why would I want to form any type of relationship with these women? What purpose could that serve? Shouldn't we both just move on and agree to disagree?

The best example of why I even "bother" with what some men I know consider a "masochistic exercise in futility" can be explained with the girl that I've actually become friends with, post -relationship. I've gone into the events of what happened between me and Kelly enough for everyone, but I will say that while we're much better friends then we were lovers, that experience allowed us great insight into the other's character. That insight, every once in awhile can be welcome when it's needed.

I've had other ex's approach me during times of crisis, reaching out for someone who knows their problems and I've done the same to them if I've felt comfortable enough with that relationship. The fact that you shared yourself, intimately, opened up to another person and carried on whatever type of companionship that occurred, isn't something you should just throw away. That'd pretty much say that you wasted time, she wasted time, and nothing was learned by either party.

That's the point of dating. That's the fucking point! Learning! Learning about women (if you're a woman or a gay man, learning about men), learning about preferences, attraction, sexuality, intimacy, likes/dislikes, whatever is needing to be discovered. Eventually, you'll find a mate or realize you're better off on your own. That's the beauty of it.

If we didn't maintain some semblance of communication with the past, then we'd just repeat the same mistakes. Believe me, I can think of about six women off of the top of my head who really don't want to see that happen again.

posted by AmeroKafka @ 1:37 PM