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Heartbreak and ham sandwiches

I love alliteration. Can I just say that? Right off the bat? I <3 alliteration.

Since the last time I've written, I've been doing a great deal of soul searching. Events that were going on around me were dictating some intense sensitvity and since I'm one of the most insensitive people I know, it was required for me to get back to the drawing board of what I really feel.

What is the nature of love and companionship? Is there a difference between the two? In the end, what's the most important thing for us, as instruments of breeding and fucking and fucking shit up, meant to do when it comes to finding a parnter in the great drama?

Recently, I went out with a good friend of mine, and hashed it out with them about relationship issues. In fact, just singling out this incident would be silly. I've had this conversation with a great many people over the last few weeks since returning from the adventure that was NYC. Regardless, combining all of the data accrued from these dialogues leads me to one conclusion: The secret to MY happiness in love (I have no idea how to save the rest of you poor fuckers) is finding a person that compliments and challanges me without ever acting superior or naive. Sounds simple enough, but I don't think I'm even close to being able to accept that these qualities to exist in a person of the a fairer sex that is in my league. Again, don't come down on me for claiming that "leagues" exist and that there's no way to cross social barriars and let the geek get the girl or the introvert to find love. The idea of "leagues" exists in the mind of the protagonist, first and foremost. It's my responsibility to break down this boundary because I'm the one who doesn't have the confidence to deny its existence.

The problem with being on your own and watching your friends and loved ones get paired off is that you go through a process. It's actually a great process. You learn how to be by yourself and how to survive with people you care about at your side and how not to feel totally abandoned and alone. You begin to rely on yourself for sustainabilty and become just a little more true to your emotional nature and personality.

I don't enjoy dating all that much. I'm a guy, don't get me wrong, and I love to have a roll in the hay with a pretty girl just as much as the next hedonist. I like getting a flirtatious conversation going with a complete stranger and I always like getting a phone number at the end of a party. The thing is that dating sucks. If you're not doing it to find a soulmate (which is sort of like fishing while blindfolded) then you're doing it for sex (which is sort of like sticking your dick in a dozen beartraps praying one of them doesn't shut on you). Neither really appeals to me. I don't want to meet my next girlfriend through some set of pre-existing step by step instructions for happiness.

This all sounds very emo, I know (did you forget what this blog is called again?). I'm mostly just venting about recent epiphanies and ponderings. What really makes a great relationship? What really makes a good partner? What should we be doing differently?

To answer my own rhetorical questions:

Good relationships have honesty and communication. There is tension, but not a negative kind. There is intimacy and there is chemistry. There is a challange to always keep it alive. Dead relationships agknowledge that one of you is settling and one of you is bored. Love doesn't exist when it's just with one person and their fantasies.

Good partners are not static. They're always themselves and they're always being true. A good partner shouldn't question what they're doing from the eyes of their lover. They should never feel bad for enjoying something that makes them happy. If they're a crack fiend? You except them for being a crack fiend. They should only compromise in a confrontation, but should never compromise who they are. If you've ever said, "I love XXXX, but I wish they'd..." then A) you're a bad parnter, and B) they're not right for you no matter what you say.

We, as the single whiny masses of heartbroken bemoaners should be doing one thing and one thing only:

WORKING ON WHO WE ARE

If we're not ready to accept ourselves as comic book geeks and pot-smokers, sci-fi nerds and NASCAR fans, loudmouth jerks and super-sensitive introverts, then no one will ever be able to accept us.

I was out once with a group of people at a bar. There was a girl who I didn't know who had joined us. After a few drinks, roundtable discussions started about dating and finding people. She pointed out that if I wanted to find a girl I shouldn't go out in a super-hero t-shirt to do it. I replied to my friend that if she wanted to become a trophy wife then she should lose about ten pounds and get a tit job. The point here is that I go out in a t-shirt and jeans with the intention of having a good time with friends, not picking up chicks. I would never want to date anyone that couldn't accept me for who I am; no one could.

In the end, do whatever makes you happy and hope that someone will one day appreciate you because of those things and vice versa.

Where did all of this come from? Just had a lot of time to think, s'all.

posted by AmeroKafka @ 3:29 PM