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This is me angry/hurt/upset/pissed

As I post this, I am seething. Like, rage. I'm also extremely disappointed and sad. You think you know someone, you think you can trust them... and that all can go away with a sentence. In an instant, the depth of their character shows through and you see them for who they truly are. There's a quote somewhere about how people really only show their true colors. Not that everyone is selfish underneath, but that image they put out? It hides something. Maybe a sad, lonely person or a dark angery person, but someone vastly different than who they walk around as 24/7.

I was going to move into a house at one point this summer. Some people who I'd been associating with for the last few months and I had all talked about it and seemed not only a viable, but fun idea. Cheaper rent, great area, good people, so on.

That was not meant to be. As the dragging on of finding viable housing started to take its toll, one of the members of this enclave started to act... different. Moody, pissed off, vague, and distracted. It came out that I'd pissed him off somehow. Heh. This happens a lot. I'm just one of those guys. One of those people even. A long time ago, I had to make a concession that to be liked and to be true to myself could not occur at the same time. I am who I am. I don't try to offend, but hey, get mad at me? I'll apologize. Not enough? fuck it. I can't be perfect. No one can. I'll take the highest road possible, but that's all I can do.

I steeled myself to be able to talk to this person and take whatever I'd done wrong and be ready to sincerely offer up my humblests so that they'd let it go. Turns out, I really hadn't done ONE thing that'd pissed them off: He had a list.

Now that's just ridiculous. All this time, that person has been keeping track of EVERY action that I've done to get ammunition to get up in my face about what a, "bad person" I am. Apparently:

"I don't appreciate the way you treat women"

Seeing as how the majority of my friends are girls, that's kind of ridiculous. I've never cheated on a girlfriend, struck a girlfriend, or kept secrets from a girlfriend. Yeah, I'm a fuck up and yeah I've torpeded my fair share of relationships by being selfish, needy, and neurotic, but this is just out of left field for someone who has only known me for a few months.

"You're abrasive, loud, and obnoxious."

Have you never been to the video store? Seriously. Next.

"I don't trust that you're not going to try to steal my girlfriend."

Slightly sad and pathetic, right here. First of all, LOOK AT ME! I'm a semi-employed 7-year later college graduate of PSU who reads comics, watches movies, and gets his jollies debating the finer points of mainstream pop culture while being completely unable to hold his whiskey. You're right. Total threat. Right here.

"I'm guessing you get all of these characteristics from your father."

Note to all concerned: NEVER, EVER bring my family into it. I bitch about my parents and sibling constantly. I'm allowed. 25 years and counting of dealing with them. You are not unless you want all of your teeth to suddenly resemble the decorations on your christmas tree after you tripped and fell into it.

There's more, but it's not worth mentioning. It's just more insecure babble that pretty much states that they're a little person with big issues.

See, that's not why I'm upset though. Fuck that person. Remember? High ground.

What has totally broken me is that their significant other, someone who I had started to truly become great friends with, is now forced to no longer hang out with me to appease the other person. That's what I'm disappointed about. That's what makes me sad. You think you know where you stand, and in a flash... The people you lay your trust upon can show true colors. True weakness. True lack of character.

I'll regret this post in a few months. Hence the lack of names or sexes.

I just needed to get out the crappy feeling inside.

posted by AmeroKafka @ 2:37 PM