Long time, old girl
Let's talk about heartbreak, shall we?The last year has been quite an experience all around. Degree, Career, New Apartment, New Friends, So On...
The one thing that hasn't changed is that empty inevitable feeling after the crushing blow of love lost. That never changes.
It's been awhile since I've posted. A really long while. In that mean time there've been a few lovers that have been worthy of mention and we'll touch on them here since the latest of them has left my apartment in tears after a notice of eviction from our arrangement by her.
First came Geek Queen. She was actually a really fun, smart, and truly amazing conversationalist. After many attempts at forming some sort of relationship of a sexual nature, we settled on friends as a better idea. The period to decide said arrangement was arduous for me because I genuinely thought her to be an amazing person at the time. In hindsight, I agree that what we have now is more beneficial and satasfiying to what the two of us need right now. Suffice to say, that at the time of dating her I thought her to be the most interesting person I'd encountered thus far.
The next contestant on this little game show was the Prodigy. I refer to her with all affection as someone who I genuinely hope takes care of herself but I can only see hardship in her path ahead. There was a drastic age difference between us but we still managed to find a way to talk about our fears and dreams with a sense of knowledge and charm. Sometimes I think our time together was her vacation from her self-destructive existence, but I'm a hopeless romantic, so who knows.
Last and most current is the Islander. This one I truly loved but never felt all that comfortable with. The most recent contact we've had is her teary eyes staring me down with pain and confusion as she attempted to articulate how no relationship would work for her in her current place in life. Suprisingely, I shed no tears and had no anger nor bitterness. I'd seen this coming from the moment we'd started officially dating and had acknowledged that this wasn't the usual negativity and pessimism, but rather me recognizing signs of the inevitable.
The common link between all three of these latest loves is their age group. All are at least five years my junior and all are in college while I've since graduated and put distance between the chrysalis period that those years define in one's life.
The Roommate pointed out that maybe my attraction to this type of girl lies in my own awkwardness with my current situation in life. While the job is still going well (promotion, office, raise, coworker friends, etc) and the apartment situation is great, my 26th birthday is fast approaching and I'm still no more comfortable in my own skin than I was on my 25th. Things have begun to slow down and consistency has started to settle in and the person I look at in the mirror is becoming more familiar, yet I still don't know who he really is.
Without that connection, it's understandable why no woman could make that connection as well.
I'm not in the least bit hurt or embittered towards Geek Queen, Prodigy, or Islander, but I wish that at least one of them had been close to the one. Here's to the ever continuing search...
posted by AmeroKafka @ 3:17 AM
1 Comments:
I like this because I think you are getting closer and closer to being where you want to be. I know we don't talk much anymore but I often read your blog in gulps (because I come to it every month or two) and I see a very clearly maturation in the way you think and see women, at least based on the way you write. It sounds like you're frustrated that none of those girls was "the one" but I'd say don't worry...seems to me that when she comes, you're going to be ready for her.
Really, we need to get that drink sometime.
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