525, 600 minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments So Dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?
In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife
I've never seen a production of RENT. There was a trailer for the film version (which looks great and I'm very interested in seeing it and/or the play) and the song, "Seasons of Love" was playing over the whole clip. It was really a great song and it made me think about what really can happen in a year. How do you measure a year?
It makes a good deal of sense. If I was to sit back and reflect on June of 2004, it would be a completely different world than this one. I didn't know Alicia, Kelly hated me, Will was moving away, I had nothing going on for me, I lived in my father's garage, and I wasn't even remotely happy with myself as a person.
To say things have changed is a pretty obvious statement. Here we are, not where we used to be. That's all the progress you need to make in a year.
The part of these lyrics that I honed in on was the part about HOW you measure that year. Do you measure them in the pain? Do you measure them in the nights spent out on the town? The days that you worked shitty jobs? The successes? The failures?
How do I measure progress in my own life? Obviously not by career or job growth, because that hasn't been all the that healthy during this time. Obviously not by finishing school, because we're just now getting around to that.
If I were to think about how I measured a year of progress, it'd be by the experiences that happen in that short time and what they mean. When your life gets too big to think about, what with feeling like you should be doing something else, constantly reveling in the mistakes and never moving forward, it's the little things that can help you measure a day or a week or a month in that year.
Right now, it's a conversation with Karl that let's me know just how good of friends we are. It's a night on the roof of a high rise with Kelly and Will, photographing an amazing, surreal storm over the horizon. It's a night on the town with Joey, picking up girls at bakeries and buying them coffee and losing to them at foosball. It's going to see Batman with my Dad, and feeling like we never stopped spending time together like father and son.
It's about the next step. That's how you measure the moments. One at a time.
Instant Pleasure by Rufus Wainwright
I don't want somebody to love me
Just give me sex whenever I want it
'Cause all I ask for is instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
You in the traffic for all eternity
How could that speed be where you want to be?
Said don't you really want instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
Think that all these folks get laid?
Do it cause their pain is great?
What you thinkin' anyways?
If drinkin' coffee's your idea of really cool
You can't expect no crazy chick to notice you
Just sittin there dreamin' instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
If you want someone a friend to be
Guess you'll have to win the lottery
But till then repeat after me
I don't want somebody to love me
Just give me sex whenever I want it
'Cause all I ask for is instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
I don't want somebody to love me
I don't want somebody to love me...
Into the Fire...
Sometimes it's about what you're thinking when you fall and hit the ground. The last thoughts to roll through your head before it hits the pavement... that's what really begs the questions. I have this theory that the afterlife is just a tapeloop of the final visions you have in your mind's eye before death. I don't think of this as hell, mind you, living out the rest of your existence in a constantly repeating loop of an echo... I think your life would continue in this fantasy moment from the final moment and for eternity. Think Vanilla Sky, but more Jason Lee and less Tom Cruise.
************************************************************************************
I realized after this amazing long weekend that two things matter to me: getting my shit together and the fact that I have an amazing band of friends.
The former sounds like something everyone says. "Gotta get my shit together about schoo/work/job/women..." It's true that it's way too often emphasized by the masses of 20-somethings that pontificate about their meandering existence... I was referring more towards dating and maybe trying to not be looking for anyone right now... at least not until I've, well, "Gotten my shit together."
Various experiences (not limited to this weekend) have shown me that my previous relationships were nothing, but utter failures largely due to the fact that I've lost a great deal of focus towards what I'm looking for in a woman. Even the amazing ones that I have the pleasure of dating, I feel I don't deserve. I force this horrible neurosis before them and they respond in one of two ways; try harder and fail or stop trying and getting while the gettings able to be blamed on me. Neither of these is something that they should be faulted for. If I could have gotten over some horrible insecurity that I was settling for them, I'd be able to contribute something to the relationship. My type of woman is something that I've only grasped onto the cusp of encountering and when the time comes and I have a smack of confidence about me, I'll be able to believe in myself enough to ask whoever she may be if she'd like to grab a second run movie and a cup of coffee with me.
As for the friends point... Saturday was nothing short of fantastic and almost brings me to tears thinking about. This is the first time in the history of my singlehood where my emotions post-break-up are not goverened exclusively by bitterness and lonliness, but by a sentimental appreciation and overwhelming love for the people that have truly shown that they care about me and are there for me when I need them. Whether it's buying me a case of beer or making some time to talk about what's going on with me or even putting me in my place so I don't let my miserable sense of self-defeating attitude corrupt what can only be referred to as, "that new better Mike that we're really getting used to having around." Between the benefits of Will challenging my negativity, the banter that Joey and I have made famous regarding ex's and movies and music, Kelly showing how much she lends to a group dynamic, Brent being more patient and open-minded than we deserve, Karl always up for anything even if he's sicker and more tired than he realizes, foosball games, dessert and coffee, the joy of tits, beautiful domicile rentals, annoying Saturday Market patrons, and toasts to the "next step." It's no wonder that I will wake up on a Tuesday morning and proclaim that we're "blessed" for having such a great time. I'm awash in an obnoxious sense of euphoric optimism about this group of people. I feel like all the time we've spent together has paid off... that we're finally that group of acquaintances that really loves to get together and just kick it and we all realize it collectively. That is a breakthrough that breaks through.
************************************************************************************
Batman Begins will rule.
Serenity will be just as amazing the second time.
Fantastic Four won't be that bad.
I'll love Mr. and Mrs. Smith more without a girlfriend.
That's it for summer predictions re: movies.
