New theme song
In my opinion, Ally Mcbeal was a shit show. It was derivative of everything that made "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" great and the show focused too much on sex lives and the neurotic babbling of an anorexic. That's my opinion as a critic of television, 10 years strong.
Although, I will say one thing that David E. Kelly got right on this show was when Ally was in therapy for the umpteenth time. Her therapist's diagnosis for getting through her day was to get a theme song to dance to. I stand behind this idea one hundred percent. I've even made it my mission to make mixes to match moods and average days or experiences and even friends themes for when I have happy memories of them. Soundtracks are important in the cinema of living, y'know.
The current song that pretty much governs my mood is "Ashes" by a band called Embrace from the UK. On their website they've actually posted from a paragraph describing one of the critic's feelings on what the song means and I think it sums up better than I could for why it's great for me (and maybe even YOU) in this period of breathing as a biological Rube Goldberg contraption (read: "living"):
"As such "Ashes" is a valediction, which is a very odd thing to begin a record with. But it makes sense, given the talk of lines being drawn underneath things, because it's a song about taking knocks and transferring that energy into your own, about using mistakes and regrets to drive you forward. Which is apposite, because it fulfils so many promises at once that it seems destined to become a signature tune, and how many bands can claim to have written one of those for their fourth album? Mighty but not flustered, grand but not pompous, big without being long, anthemic without resorting to cliche - so many nails are being so firmly hit on the head with this song that it's a wonder why their strikes were ever off-centre in the past."
(I'm going to forgo posting the lyrics and just say that, if you're curious, "acquire it")
When/If you comment, please put what your current theme song is (if you have one).
Moving forward, looking back...
The things that never change are the ones that really always make the things that flux even better. What I mean to say, is that while everything always goes through some sort of evolutionary process, becoming a higher being or organism, even just socially, it's those consistencies that really tie the package together.
Take friendship for example: No matter how much two people change, that constant relationship that two or three or a dozen people can maintain adds to the overall evolution of the person as a whole. Dynamics, roles, and even personalities can shift, but the very fiber that makes up a set of people in the limited confines that exist for a friendship can lend volumes of character growth.
Recently, Miss Marjie commented that, "All one must do to see the broad spectrum of humanity is look at Mikey's friends. You savers attract all kinds." This comment means a great deal to me because 1) Marjie obviously GETS me and that's important to me for a friend and 2) I work hard to assemble such an array and to have someone understand the purpose of such a motley crew is very complimentary. I don't keep people around for their uses or their support. I maintain these groups because they all work as one collective organism that can support each part at any given time. All of these people that I know are important to me, yes, but they're wholly capable of being supportive to each other. In the paths that I've crossed in these 24 years, I've met an assortment of colorful personalities and every one of them is unique. The only thing that they have in common is that they have integrity and heart. Every one of them. I don't care what they say, because I wouldn't involve myself with them if they didn't. Those two consistent qualities are what allow them to actually be a benefit to each other if/when they're ready to take that step and stop referring to each other as, "Mike's friends" and actually open up to each other.
I have a plan here, people. I'm manic and arrogant, but believe me, there is a method to this madness.
Hey, look! I'm on South Park
So THIS is quite neat. What I would look like if I was a guest star on South Park. Don't know how they'd explain the beard, though...
Special thanks to http://www.planearium.de/flash/sp-studio.swf for their nifty little distraction.
Black Friday
Lord, people are stupid. Think about it: For as long as we can recall, the day after Thanksgiving has been the busiest shopping day of the year. Hands down. Yet, still people head to the malls, the chains, the whatnot, packing the corridors and parking lots... all for a sale that lasts from 5am-noon. It's insanity.
Two incidences regarding this "Black Friday" stand out in my mind. The most recent was when I worked at Best Buy during the "Dark Period" that we like to call 2003-2004. Every employee in the store who didn't have a dying relative or was giving birth was assigned to work on that dreaded Friday. The craziest part, though? They made us run drills. I shit you not. Half the staff would line up at the front of the store and the others would stay in their departments. Once the exercise began, the first half would race through the store to grab merchandise and the second half had to upsell, direct, and maintain order of all of the chaos. It was utterly ridiculous. The crazy part came when the actual people showed up and we realized that the exercise was not for naught. Automatons duped by ads and sale prices showed up in droves and were constantly hounding us for answers regarding where the laptops were or if this was covered by a rebate. All I could think about was drinking myself to death.
The other incident occurred when I was a freshman in college. My friend Chris always loved to go off and do crazy activities for no apparent reason. This time? "Hey, I'm going to the mall. Care to join?" "Dude, It's the day after turkey day. EVERYONE is there." "S'the fuckin' point! You coming or not?" And off we went. Traffic was backed up to the main freeway and there was literally NO parking. Once we entered the mall, the walkways were so packed with people, you had to make sure you were focused straight ahead so you wouldn't get distracted and subsequently trampled by patrons. There was this bobble-head kiosk near the ice rink and upon close examination I noticed that all of the heads were moving. Every single one. I felt the railing with my hand and realized that there was a low vibration emitting. Now, I was a consummate mallrat at this time and had never, NEVER, seen this occur. It was terrifying. We were probably setting off the Richter scale on some small level.
So after all of this, I wonder why people bother? Is a deal on a pair of socks or computer game THAT important? Have we been duped that far by advertisements and sales that we have to follow a convention of consumers that we know to be manufactured?
In response to this and because of my own experiences in retail, there's a practice that I used to partake in. Since a few of my friends work retail and thus work this ghastly day of days, I've made it a habit for the last few years to visit them at work with "survival kits" consisting of cigarettes (if they smoke), starbucks giftcards, red bull, a good book, and a cheap DVD for when they finish. I don't know if I'll be able to do it THIS year, since having a car is required and I've parked mine for the time being (long story), but for those that I can visit, I'll do what I can. It's the least I can do for soldiers in an infantry that fights a grueling annual battle against an army of mindless attackers.
Semper fi, comrades.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
So I still talk to almost all of my ex's. Seriously. With the exception, of like... one of them, I'm on speaking terms, cordial speaking terms, with all of them. I've gone to their weddings, had drinks, hung out, shared insights, and even become good friends in the case of one of them (ironically enough, we get along better as friends than when we actually dated. Whoo-rah to no sexual tension!). Lately, someone asked me what the hell was up with my doing that. See, personally, I think it's important to maintain some semblance of a relationship there; to show that it wasn't all for naught (especially if it was a deep or intense relationship). This SEEMS like something that is really only beneficial to me, though, so bear with me:
Last night, while at the video store, I was watching High Fidelity during the close. During the whole reflection over the main characters initial top five break-ups, I found myself identifying with everyone of these characters as if they were avatars of the female for a man to relate to as ex's. Archetypes, if you will. Now, granted, as a viewer, that's what's SUPPOSED to happen. This is a movie for men about relationships so, of course, the story and characters are designed to gain your interest based on your ability to say, "dude, I dated a girl just like that!"
So, based on all of that, why would I want to form any type of relationship with these women? What purpose could that serve? Shouldn't we both just move on and agree to disagree?
The best example of why I even "bother" with what some men I know consider a "masochistic exercise in futility" can be explained with the girl that I've actually become friends with, post -relationship. I've gone into the events of what happened between me and Kelly enough for everyone, but I will say that while we're much better friends then we were lovers, that experience allowed us great insight into the other's character. That insight, every once in awhile can be welcome when it's needed.
I've had other ex's approach me during times of crisis, reaching out for someone who knows their problems and I've done the same to them if I've felt comfortable enough with that relationship. The fact that you shared yourself, intimately, opened up to another person and carried on whatever type of companionship that occurred, isn't something you should just throw away. That'd pretty much say that you wasted time, she wasted time, and nothing was learned by either party.
That's the point of dating. That's the fucking point! Learning! Learning about women (if you're a woman or a gay man, learning about men), learning about preferences, attraction, sexuality, intimacy, likes/dislikes, whatever is needing to be discovered. Eventually, you'll find a mate or realize you're better off on your own. That's the beauty of it.
If we didn't maintain some semblance of communication with the past, then we'd just repeat the same mistakes. Believe me, I can think of about six women off of the top of my head who really don't want to see that happen again.
Helpless
There's actually a really good reason for me always working so much and also never having any money (damn, compulsive spending...) and it's really simple: I'm a meddler. Pure and simple, a combination of arrogance and "white knight" syndrome compels me to "save" everyone from whatever might be going to cause them harm. I do it to those I call friends the most, and I'm not sure if it's an endearing trait or something that I should work on not doing.
Will likes to say that people will do whatever they want to do, no matter what you try to do to stop them. I've always felt that that was half true, but a time less quote that I've always stood by is, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke) Whether that need always apply in life, I'm not sure, but I'd hate to play the odds.
Lately, since I've taken on two jobs and tried to stay on task at school, I don't get to go out as much during the week as I'm used to. My friends are off doing their own thing and I'm stuck hearing about it a week later, third hand, wondering if I'd been there... would I have done something to stop them from doing something that might adversely affect themselves? It's not really my place, though. That much is true. So then the thoughts trickle down to my friends and family in other states who seem to have crisis after crisis. If I was there, if I was capable of being there when they needed someone, would I be able to help them?
It's like Jewish neurosis and Catholic guilt colliding all at once.
This was all on my mind today, while I manned the till at work. One of my coworkers asked if I was ok and I realized I had my "thinkin' real hard" face on. I shrugged it off and switched into my "manic clerk of all trades" mode. That's when one of my neighborhood friends showed up to rent a flick. I'm pretty good pals with her, but we haven't known each other all that long. I went out to the floor to say, "Hey" and I noticed she looked really upset. She asked me if I was going to be taking lunch soon, and I flagged down my boss and asked for a quick ten. Outside, she broke down about her shitty day. Dying relatives, incarcerated siblings, unemployment, and scary homeless dudes. I gave her a hug and let her cry for a few minutes. She asked if I needed to go back to work because it'd probably been more than ten minutes. I nodded and asked if she needed anything else. She smiled a little and basically said that my being there was enough.
I think in the end, that's all I can do. I can't hop in my car, drive a five hundred miles, and just remove my friend from a bad situation. I can't fly to New York and help my sister with whatever problems she's having. I can't stop my friends from getting pissed ass drunk and doing harm to themselves or others. Will's right: No one can do that.
I think, in a way, being raised on comic books lets me think that being there for every tragedy is possible. Ironically, the current writers of Superman and whatnot all try to hammer home that today's heroes realize that they can't save everyone. They just do their best and they tell themselves that has to be enough.
Same here.
