Weddings
So I thought I'd write something about the wedding party that pretty much ate up my life these last two weeks. The thing is that it was so amazing, so fun, so perfect and sappy and heart warming and boozed up, and high, and fueled by funkin'... that all I have to say is... pictures speak better than bad story-telling:
Many happy years for the lovely couple. Thanks to everyone who came and to every member of this whole fractured "family". We're it.
{Left to Right: Sloth, Kelly, Bentley, Dani, Kevin, Rachelle, Will, Lisa Deadly, Hollywood, JRobb, Kellan. Sitting: Sean and Emily}
Build a Better Mousetrap
It's not like I only think about women, relationships, hating my job, and comics/movies. Seriously, I do have some, like, deep thoughts, man. Seriously.
About four or five times today, people I worked with asked if I was sad. Not, "are you ok?" but rather, "Why are you sad?" It made me uneasy. What type of vibe was I giving off that they just assumed I was miserable? Frankly, I don't hate my job. I don't even really mind it. I just don't like my boss. A lot. The job actually isn't that hard or painful or even boring. It's just the way that I feel things are run that make me not want to work there. This is why *gasp* I'll be quitting the bank soon. Once the wedding of Bentley has finished and Lisa Deadly is out of town, I'm back on the job hunt. I'll have moved out of Kevin's, be downtown, and pretty much be able to just stretch a little better regarding where I can go to seek work. Hope beyond hope, the car will be sold soon.
Here's the thing, if I could venture a guess as to why I might come off as truly melancholy: I think I get disappointed when I realize I don't have all that much control over where I've been and how I've gotten here. It's a weird philosophy to have when you look back over your life and feel helpless. It's weird because you have absolutely no control over your past. None. Obsessing about it only leads you in circles of frustration. The future is what you should focus on. If not that, then definitely the present. Letting the past govern you or your feelings seems to just "help" you make the same mistakes. That's just silly.
So next time you see me sad or you think I'm focusing on some silly thing from an eon ago that will never be changed (but WILL be repeated if I don't snap out of it), just slap me. Slap me hard across the side of the head. Just one good smack. If I get pissed at you, just say, "You were thinking about something other than bettering yourself. I could tell."
Singles
Dear God,
Couldn't you have built me with an off-switch? Seriously, I talk too much. I talk past the point of no return. I just can't stop myself from listening to my brain. It just keeps coming up with ways to fuck me over. "Be afraid of this, be scared of that, LOOK! OVER THERE! FAILURE IF YOU DON'T ACT NOW!" It's like somewhere along the line, the wires of the mind that controlled bargain shopping and the synapses that controlled initial attraction got totally crossed and now I can't buy detergent worth a damn and can't not throw myself at a female in less than ten moves.
Yours truly,
Mike
P.S. Cameron Crowe is the official king of relationship and love quotes in movies. Rent "Singles" and you'll agree with me. That or demand your $1.99 back so you can just rent porn instead.
Couldn't God have made two?
Why We Fight
The mindset has changed.
After all of the work you put into something pretty much shows you it was all for naught, you begin to reevaluate how to perceive the principle of these... well, attempts at intimacy and friendship.
Many films and stand-up comedians have tried to hypothesize why men and women simply cannot be friends. The myth of platonic relationships seems more valid every day. Now, I'm not going to try to avoid sounding bitter here. I am, a little. The fact of the matter is that there are some x-factors in this philosophy. I have a few very close female friends, but frankly, I've either been attracted to them at some point or dated them and realized it worked better as friends or was never attracted to them at all. Why would you hang out with people who you didn't share interests or a connection with? And if said people were of the sex that you were attracted to, and there was a connection that existed, then wouldn't there be some type of sexual tension? Do you only hang out with men/women you don't find attractive? Honestly, this is just on my mind recently, so don't take it to heart and get all bent out of shape about it.
The last few months of singlehood have been pretty interesting. Not as depressing as I thought that they would be after being tossed out of the last relationship. The thing is that after awhile, it stops being painful. It just happens. You can still feel bad about it, and I will say that those days did occur, but the reality is that life moves you on so that you don't have to. I've had to face a great deal of things about my perceptions of intimacy and relationships that, frankly, I've been avoiding since I was 18. S'been... enlightening.
Is it just me, or are the two things that the general public, the average citizen, if you will, are most afraid of are sex and death? The two things that pretty much scare us the most are the act of expressing love/lust or ending our existence? It seems almost like we're so afraid of what will transcend us above our natural existence that we hide behind religion and escapism to be in total denial. We will all die and we will always want to fuck. This is the nature of life. The faster we learn this, the sooner we'll be able to talk about sex, frankly, and contemplate death without being goth about it.
These are the things that we fight about: Sex, death, sensitivity, loss, love, friendship, and the nature of relationships in general. Time to put up or shut up.
The World is a Vampire
Actually, I'm not that big of a fan of the Smashing Pumpkins. Seriously, it just isn't my thing and I've always thought that Billy Corgan was a little TOO into Bozo the Clown.
"Stop thinking." That's what I'm going to try for awhile. It's like the Seinfeld episode where George does the opposite of what he usually does and all of a sudden becomes uber-successful. It's just sort of getting in my way and making me become obsessed with failure and what I've done wrong in my life.
I can't wait to quit the bank. I really can't wait to start school. I really, really can't wait to move downtown.
I think we're in for a change. A vengeful, violent, slaughtering of change that will take a slash across the last few months.
The world is a vampire, but that doesn't matter if you're a werewolf.
